By Rob Furlong
With the amazing increase in technological devices over the past 15 years our ability to stay in touch with each other, even in some of the remotest parts of the world, has increased exponentially. I would like to suggest however that our ability to communicate meaningfully with each other has not progressed at the same rate. If anything, it has gone backwards.
On a holiday a few years back (which included a buffet breakfast in beautiful tropical surrounds each morning) Karen and I were amazed at the number of couples sitting across from each other at the breakfast table gazing into their … iPads! In such a beautiful setting how sad it was to see people desperately checking their Facebook status rather than connecting with the one they claimed to love forever.
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Author: Jody Bennett
Lessons from an inept sailor
by Janice Teo
One day in my life stands out with great clarity. Not the good epiphany kind of clarity; more the my-life-flashed-before-me variety. It was the day my husband and I took part in a sailing competition.
Up to then we had been happy casual sailors, satisfied with jaunts along the coast, safely within reach of medical care and proper toilets because no, the back of the boat doesn’t count.
Sailing can teach you many lessons, foremost of which is this one: life can throw a storm at you any time, anywhere, without any warning. This is precisely what happened to us.
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Clarifying questions can combat confusion
By Rob Furlong
I had to pick up my grandchildren after school recently and being a reliable grandfather, I made sure I was there in plenty of time before the bell rang.
When I arrived, my grandson was outside his classroom door with one of his friends and busily packing his bag in preparation for leaving.
My grandson’s friend looked at me and turned to him and asked, “Is that your Grandad?”
“Yes!” answered my grandson.
And as naturally as you please, his friend said, “He doesn’t look funny at all!”
Two thoughts immediately went through my mind.
First, I was pleased I didn’t look funny!
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When you’re in a spot of bother
By Rob Furlong
Do you remember the story of Winnie-the-Pooh visiting his good friend Rabbit one day and following a wonderful afternoon tea, (where Pooh clearly ate too much) he became firmly wedged in the hole that served as Rabbit’s front door? What followed was a highly amusing – and insightful – conversation between the two of them:
“Rabbit wanted to go for a walk too, and finding the front door full, he went out by the back door, and came round to Pooh, and looked at him.
‘Hallo, are you stuck?’ he asked.
‘N-no,’ said Pooh carelessly. ‘Just resting and thinking and humming to myself.’
‘The fact is,’ said Rabbit, ‘you’re stuck.’
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When a conversation is crucial
BY ROB FURLONG
Conversation is a part of life. We talk about all sorts of things and ideas; we talk to people and yes, we talk about people – conversation has a huge impact on our relationships.
And so does a lack of it. Have you ever regretted not having a conversation with someone?
Perhaps you feel you are being given the “cold shoulder” by a work colleague or your partner is upset with you about something. You know something is wrong between the two of you, but the other person isn’t saying what (apart from a few unsubtle hints) and you are too afraid to ask.
What needs to happen in situations like these is what some have described as a “crucial conversation.”
The importance of resilience
By Rob Furlong
Every successful sprinter will tell you that the key to winning is keeping your focus on the finish line. Never look to see where your opponent is and most certainly, never look back!
In his wonderful book, A Resilient Life, Gordon MacDonald writes “…there are some (people) who stand out from all the rest…the further they run, the stronger they get…”
He calls such people “resilient ones” and describes the qualities he has observed in them; qualities that are the reasons behind the strong impression they leave on people.
The same thought can be applied to marriages. Why is it that some marriages make it through the toughest of times – even emerging from them stronger – when other marriages fall apart?
It comes back to one word: resilience.
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Don’t try to be a mind reader
By Rob Furlong
We have been talking this year about ways in which we can improve the quality of our relationships by learning and practicing some new skills.
This month, I want to talk about how we can avoid the damage done to our relationships when we make assumptions.
Carole Mayhall, co-author with her husband, Jack, of Marriage Takes more than Love, recounts a humorous story from their own experience, which highlights the danger of making assumptions about people.
“One evening Jack and I were looking at a full, lovely moon. It was an incredibly beautiful evening, and I said, “Isn’t that a beautiful moon?”
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In Praise of Grandmothers
By Rob Furlong
Given it is the month of May and Mother’s Day is fast approaching, I think it a good idea to take a break from our series on being more present with people and focus on celebrating the women in our life!
Generally, I like to use Mother’s Day as an opportunity to celebrate all women, but this year I want to especially celebrate grandmothers through the following story from James Dobson, written by a third grader:
A grandmother is a lady who has no children of her own. She likes other people’s little girls and boys. A grandfather is a man grandmother. He goes for walks with boys, and they talk about fishing and stuff like that.
Is your body language contradicting your words?
by Rob Furlong
The experts tell us that 70% of what we communicate to each other is non-verbal. This means when we are talking with people, they are going to be paying a lot more attention to the messages they are receiving from our body language than to what we are saying.
We know this fact to be true because we have all been on the receiving end of “conversations” where a person’s body language has spoken loudly and clearly!
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I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?
By Rob Furlong
A favourite meme of mine is one where Robert Downey Jr. (who plays Tony Stark/Iron Man) has his arms crossed, eyes rolling backwards and the caption stating, “The face you make when the person you can’t stand is talking!”
For some strange reason, my eldest daughter sent this to me with the not- so -subtle suggestion that this is how I can be at times!
Yes – I confess – I have trouble being present with people in conversation occasionally, and I suspect I am not alone!
How can I (we) be more present with people?
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