Challenge Literature Fellowship - AustraliaBy Rob Furlong
Author Tim La Haye once wrote:
“As long as two people can keep the lines of communication open and freely express their feelings, differences can be resolved.”
We have been exploring anger this year and the negative effect it has on relationships when expressed poorly or inappropriately; this month I want to talk about the way in which negative anger kills communication between people and what we can do about it.
There are three, basic communication killers.
“Be angry, yet do not sin…”
So wrote Paul the Apostle as he gave great practical advice on living out our relationships with one another.
Many years ago, a friend read this out to a group of us while also making an honest admission that he found this piece of advice “incredibly difficult to live out!” He was simply echoing what we all felt – it’s so easy to quote this statement, but extremely hard to follow!
“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all wrongs.”
Let me tell you the story of Binyoni, the Principal of a Christian school in Burundi.
His name means “Little Bird” and he was called this because he had a beautiful gift of music and was constantly singing and encouraging people in their faith.
There came a time of political unrest in the country and the ruling Tutsis were systematically seeking out leaders in the Hutu community and murdering them.
Binyoni was a Hutu and one day, he and his eleven teachers were taken by a group of Tutsi soldiers who had been given orders to put them to death. As they were being escorted up the hill to their place of execution, Binyoni turned to the soldiers and asked if he could pray for them.
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“Never take your own revenge…”
The man who penned these words, Paul the Apostle, was writing to a group of people who were living in a city and world that was hostile to their beliefs and values and they often found themselves the victims of unjust treatment.
When we are treated unfairly, it is natural for us to feel angry and revengeful. Thoughts of “payback” arise within us, and we imagine scenarios where we are the one in control and we give the culprit “what he or she deserves.”
Well, at least I do!
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Unhealthy anger inevitably leads to an unwillingness to forgive, and many a relationship has been destroyed because people have refused to forgive each other.
Forgiveness is also a very real issue in marriage. The health of a couple’s relationship can often be determined by the willingness (or unwillingness) of a husband and wife to forgive each other.
I have talked with many couples over the years, and I never stop being amazed at how people hang on to things they did to each other years ago and the overwhelming pettiness of it all.
“She did this…”
“He always forgets…”
“I never do that…”
On and on it goes.
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By Rob Furlong
I used to think the best way to deal with my anger was to push it down deep inside of me where it had no chance of escaping, say nothing at all and give the appearance of being calm and collected.
I learned painfully, however, that this is just as unhealthy a behaviour as expressing anger inappropriately.
“Be angry, and yet do not sin,” the Apostle Paul tells the Ephesians.
“That is easier said than done!” I hear you say. “I mean, is it reasonable to think you can express anger without hurting people or damaging relationships?”
Paul certainly believed it was.
Think carefully about what he is saying.
Firstly, it is ok to express anger.
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“THE anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”
So wrote James the Just, a prominent leader of the first century church. It’s an astute observation. Think of the times you have expressed your anger inappropriately and it has led to damaging accusations, criticism, and silence.
Thankfully, James was a practical man and prior to making this statement, he provides three steps to encourage us to express our anger in an appropriate way.
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By Rob Furlong
Angry people can do a lot of damage.
If you haven’t discovered this yet, listen to the advice of The Incredible Hulk’s alter-ego, Bruce Banner, who politely warns all those who would provoke him, “Don’t make me angry – you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry!”
His message is clear: “Get me angry and you will unleash the beast, and it won’t end well for anyone…”
Unresolved, uncontrolled, and inappropriately expressed anger leaves a destructive wake in relationships, both for those on the receiving end, and the angry person.
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By Rob Furlong
“Many people may be, chronologically, 45 years old but remain an emotional infant, child or adolescent.” What a perceptive observation the author of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, Peter Scazzero, makes here! He was commenting on how many people grow up physically but never grow up emotionally.
To illustrate his point, he describes the various stages of emotional development that we need to pass through as being: that of the infant (totally focussed on having our needs met by others), the child (where our happiness or otherwise essentially depends on whether we get our own way or not), the adolescent (where we are concerned only with ourselves and don’t express much empathy for others), through to the final stage of becoming an emotional adult.
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by Rob Furlong
In C. S. Lewis’ wonderful book, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Mr. Tumnus tries to describe to Lucy how dreadful life has become because of the reign of the White Witch over Narnia.
“It’s she that makes it always winter. Always winter and never Christmas; think of that!”
Under the iron fist of the White Witch, life in Narnia is devoid of love, hope and real joy.
Over the past 18 months, much has been said and written about the deep loss of hope and joy people are experiencing.
All around us, anxiety, mental stress, and fear reign supreme and as Mr. Tumnus said, “It’s always winter and never Christmas!” (I know many of you reading this live in the Southern Hemisphere where Christmas occurs in summer, but I’m sure you understand the point being made!)
People long deeply for peace of mind, fulfillment, and joy.
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